Sometimes we get to choose whether we want to change. Other times we don’t. There is not one type of change.
Change happens to us, but also because of us.
Losing weight is an example of a change where we get to choose. We can choose whether we eat pizza for dinner or a salad. We can choose whether we drink cola or water. And we can choose whether we exercise or not.
Getting older is an example of a change that we do not get to choose. Every day is another day older that we get. Human beings do any number of cosmetic things to avoid this change from being obvious. But it’s a change that we all go through and have zero control over it. The calendar moves to the next day, and we each get another day older; regardless of the fact that we’ve dyed our gray hairs.
It’s natural to want to be in control. But when faced with change, we must ask ourselves what we truly have control over, as well as how much control we have. Are we fully in control of making a change? The weight loss example above is a good example of being fully in control. Or do we only have some ability to influence change? Casting a vote for a specific politician is an example of only being partially in control. For a politician to win, they will need to amass more than just your vote.
Both of my children are medical miracles. One was born premature, and one is a cancer survivor. Without modern medical advancements, neither would still be here; let alone healthy pre-teens. Their medical ordeals were a huge change — for them and for our family. But we had literally no choice in the matter. My wife and I came to this realization early on in their treatments. While the treatment process for both was something that I would never wish on anyone, we realized early on that this huge change was one where there wasn’t a choice. And that was liberating. It allowed us to focus less on the change and more on the task at hand — improving the health of each child. There were decisions throughout their treatment that we were given the ability to make. That helped us have a feeling of partial control. But even with those occasional choices, we never had full control of everything that was transpiring.
We learned an important lesson.
When we don’t have control over change, we must let go of our desire to control it.
U2 — “One”