It’s the holiday season, and I can’t help but reflect on past holiday seasons and what those memories teach us.
The Story
We all have images that come to mind when we think of the holiday season. For me, it’s the holiday meals that my family used to have at my grandparents’ house. We grew up very close to one set of grandparents. We would walk to their house on Christmas Day; or, if we were bringing lots of presents and food, we would squeeze into the car for the less-than-a-minute ride.
Nothing ever truly remarkable happened at these family gatherings. We didn’t have any stereotypical “black sheep” in the family and there was never any family drama. We just gathered for a few hours on Christmas Day afternoon, ate great food, opened presents, and hung out until everyone decided to go home in the early evening.
The normalcy of it all is what still resonates with me. Nobody ever got any extraordinary presents, but everyone always got something they wanted. There was no fighting or tension. It was easy. It felt right. It felt like the holidays should feel.
As the years wore on, things changed (as they inevitably do). The grandkids grew up and met significant others, my grandmother passed away, and then my grandfather passed away. Instead of the “same old same old” that holiday meals used to represent, each gathering was an opportunity to witness how the family would deal with the change. Some of the change was small (“the boyfriend is coming to dinner”), while some was massive (“we have to do all the cooking because grandma isn’t here anymore and grandpa never cooked”).
I only now realize how much I took the normalcy and stability for granted. That normalcy is something that lives on in the way I try to celebrate the holidays with my family.
When my wife and I had our kids, we carved out Christmas Eve as our night. We wanted the kids to spend Christmas Eve at home, and sleep in their beds, so we committed to having both sets of parents, siblings, and extended family over to eat a meal. Each year, the proverbial beats were the same. Mount a massive cleaning and cooking campaign in the days prior to Christmas Eve, only to just finish everything the moment the first person walked in the door. Eat a great meal, drink some fancy drinks, read “The Night Before Christmas,” and get the kids off to bed before collapsing with exhaustion.
But that established tradition is going to change this year. Instead of holding court at our house, we’re going to travel. It’s in the best interests of a few family members that we do so. It took some time to convince ourselves that this was the right move to make, but we finally did. We’re still planning to sleep in our own beds on Christmas Eve and have some family over to visit and eat on Christmas Day. I’m confident this change is going to work out well for everyone.
I don’t know how my family’s holiday traditions will change in the future; but I can guarantee that they will. It might be subtle, or it might be drastic, but changes will happen. Even through this change, I will still have my “it doesn’t feel like Christmas unless/until I/we do X” list. These are things like — listening to “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses, driving around the area to see Christmas lights, putting ornaments on the tree while watching football, watching “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” and drinking a nice barrel aged stout by the light of the Christmas tree.
The Lesson
The most challenging part of the holiday season is the realization that some of our long-cherished customs must change. We cannot exactly replicate the memories of our past, even though we’d probably give almost anything to be able to.
What we can control, though, is our ability to embrace the changes that the holiday season forces us to come to grips with. We do our best this time of year to carry on holiday traditions; but also to shape and change our existing traditions into new ones that we can carry forward. Even if we’ll only carry the forward for a brief amount of time.
Madonna — “Holiday”